Struggles with re-entry

Sometimes I compare my transitions to re-entry after being beamed up on Star Trek--sometimes I think parts of me are left behind in the transporter! There was one episode on Star Trek, Next Generation in which a visitor from another planet/galaxy/solar system (you get the idea) was slowly dying because he was being transported too many times. I remember Deanna Troi was trying to convince him to stop, but his planet below needed him.

Okay, that's quite a strong analogy, I know--I'm not dying (!), but you get the gist of it. I love DeKalb, and I love our little Paddock Lake house, and I love Carthage...AND the commuting is slowly but surely wearing me out. I find my level of attention when I'm driving, as well as my ability to remember to pack everything I need for one state or the other, to be waning. It could be that it's just been a tough year, or it could be menopause (I think?), or just this time of year and the almost-winter blahs. But I can tell you that I yearn to live in just one place--just one house to clean, fridge to stock, set of dishes to wash, one set of closets, one dresser, set of litter boxes...again, you get the idea. I want to be HOME, wherever home is. If I have a morning and evening class same day, I want to be just one mile--not 20 miles from campus! I want to help Joe keep up with the chores and his health. 

One upsetting epiphany I had this year is that our beloved dog Luna is getting old without me. It becomes harder to leave her, and she hates it when I go. She has really come to resent clothes baskets and suitcases...poor baby! I want to come home to all my mammals, every day! 

When I took the position at Carthage, the idea was that I would do this commute and live away from DeKalb thing for a couple years until Joe found a job up north and we fully moved to Wisconsin. I'm now halfway through the 7th year of that idea, and we are only just now actually pursuing the goal of trying to live together in just one home again. Joe is applying for jobs in Wisconsin, and I (oh, you'll love this!) am applying for jobs in the southeast--Florida, the Carolinas, and Arkansas! Neither of us loves the cold, and I am just becoming too fragile to risk falling on ice and snow, so we are exploring our options. I think too, really, that the prospect of moving away appeals to me because we will be forced to fish or cut bait, shit or get off the pot, make a dadgum decision! One way or another, come July we will live together. What a concept.